The list of things that change in your 20’s can sometimes feel endless. Is anything ever consistent?? Well, one thing that I have found to be consistent is change. And relationships are no exception to this. Transitioning from the life of a student to a working adult, there are a few key changes I have needed to adapt to which are consistent across multiple types of relationships. From family, to friends, to romantic relationships, and more, here are 3 ways that relationships change in your 20’s.
1. You have less time
The biggest way relationships change through ‘adulting’ is having less time. There are many days when I feel like there just aren’t enough hours. During the week, a 9-5 grind can takeover the majority of your time. There are a few hours left each day, and sometimes this time might be dedicated to things like the gym, self care, meal prep, or other routines.
While making plans during the week can happen, it doesn’t happen as naturally and spontaneously as it once did. It takes some coordination, conscious effort, and prioritization. As a result, it isn’t likely that you will fit it all in, and it’s okay if you don’t. Part of mature relationships is an understanding and level of compassion for our new adult lifestyles. My most solid adult relationships have this mutual understanding.
2. You have less energy for negative energy
Looking at the glass half full, this is a liberating part of how relationships change! When your amount of free time lessens, your threshold for drama and negative energy lessens with it. During school, it was easy to become caught up in drama for more reasons than one. And I believe one of those reasons was having a lot of time.
The less time that I have, the more I run from drama. I have reached a point where I genuinely don’t care to be a part of it. Energy is contagious. If you allow yourself to become involved in negative energy and things like gossiping, it will take a toll on your own energy.
So how do you step away from negative energy and prioritize your time in more positive ways? Personally, I take responsibility for my actions and accept that others will take actions that suit them. How I react to those actions is my decision, but I won’t become overly involved in drama. I acknowledge that it isn’t a strong use of my energy and choose to distance myself from it.
3. It’s a balance that can’t always be mastered
Like I mentioned earlier, it is okay if you can’t do it all. Not only does this mantra apply to life in general, but it is inclusive of relationships. You are only one person. The reality is, you have certain lifestyle-related priorities that need to be met. Once you have met those, you have the grey areas of free time. It’s up to you how you utilize this. At times, you might just need to have a night in and practice self-care instead of meeting someone for dinner. On the other hand, if you continually push off plans with the same person over time, a level of distance will naturally fall between your relationship.
As someone who requires downtime to refuel my energy levels, this is something that I struggle with. I recognize when I need to take a break and focus on myself, but I also recognize when it needs to become a priority to make time for my relationships.
Transparently, I am returning from a 2-week break from writing to you to make time for important events involving some of my relationships. While this isn’t something I necessarily wanted to do, I had to make a decision due to the limited time that I had.
Navigating How Your Relationships Change
Now that you know 3 ways that relationships change in your 20’s, you might be wondering what you should do about it. While I wish I could give you the golden answer to mastering the balance, relationships and lifestyles don’t have a one-size-fits-all solution.
The one piece of advice that I will share is this:
Don’t be afraid to check-in, and don’t be afraid to be vulnerable when you do.
Making time for relationships doesn’t have to be all or nothing. It takes a few minutes to make a phone call or send a text. If you expect the people in your life to understand when things get a little too hectic, you will need to make sure they are looped in. If you are struggling to keep it all together, share this with them. Let them know how important they are to you, and hold yourself accountable for when you will have the time and energy again. Because at the end of the day, sometimes if you don’t find it, you have to make it.