When you have a positive relationship with yourself, you might be surprised how your relationships with others can improve. On a plane, you are told to put your oxygen mask on before you can help others. When you think about relationships, they function in a similar way. You cannot share your best energy with anyone if you don’t have it for yourself first. And one incredible way to improve your relationship with yourself is through practicing mindful self compassion.
Mindfulness is a practice of training your brain to focus its awareness on the present moment, accepting your feelings, and allowing them to flow through you. Through practicing mindfulness, you can calm your body and mind during emotionally heightened situations. When I start to have negative thoughts and “what if” moments, I make a conscious effort to bring my mind back to the present and re-ground myself through practicing mindfulness. This has been a life-changing practice for my mental health. So when I discovered the practice of mindful self compassion, I was intrigued to learn more about what it is and how to try it.
What is Mindful Self Compassion?
Self compassion is about treating yourself with kindness and understanding. If you make a wrong choice, it is giving yourself grace. If you say something silly that you wish you hadn’t, it is learning to move forward instead of holding anger toward yourself. It is allowing yourself to live free from your own judgement.
When you combine it with mindfulness, you are consciously practicing self compassion. Thought patterns and habits don’t just change overnight, but you can change them through continuous, mindful efforts. Here are a few tips on how to try practicing mindful self compassion when you experience negative thoughts about yourself:
- Pause from what you are doing and try to clear the chaos in your mind as much as possible.
- Take a few deep breaths, and focus on what you are feeling and where this feeling is coming from.
- Take note of any self-critical thoughts or judgments that come up.
- Instead of engaging with these thoughts, imagine that you are speaking to a loved one. What would you say to them? Offer yourself the same comfort and understanding. You might even find it helpful to use an affirmation that you can repeat to yourself if these thoughts re-surface. (Saying it out loud can help too!)
Through efforts toward mindful self compassion, I believe your relationship with yourself can be improved drastically. And your relationships with others might even improve too.
How Mindful Self Compassion Enhances Your Self Love
When you are mindful of the way that you are speaking to yourself, it enables you to create healthier thought patterns. If you are constantly allowing negative feelings towards yourself without much thought, your brain will actually create the habit to be naturally be critical of yourself. When you practice mindful self compassion and become aware of these thoughts, you have the power to change that pattern. You can recognize your feeling, and then treat yourself with kindness as you would treat someone who you love. Because after all, this is about self love!
Through mindful self compassion, you can learn to let go of self-judgment and instead choose to love yourself unconditionally. Nobody is perfect, and it’s unrealistic to expect yourself or anyone else to be. And by allowing yourself to acknowledge sadness, pain, fear, regret, or other unpleasant feelings without judging yourself, you can learn to accept yourself. This will also make it easier for you to accept others, because your mind will let go of its habit of creating a cycle of unrealistic standards and learn to share compassion with others too.
If you want to learn more about Mindful Self Compassion, check out the book The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive. This book was written by Christopher K. Germer, PhD and Kristin Neff, PhD who are the experts and developers of the ideas surrounding Mindful Self Compassion. Through this workbook, you can explore the idea further and actively implement it within your life.