Putting yourself first is a form of practicing self love, self care, and believe it or not, care for your relationships. However, it might not always be easy to do. For people pleasing personalities like myself, it can be really hard to make your self care your first priority. There always seems to be something else that should take precedent. And sometimes, this is okay! To be a compassionate and loving human is to put others that you care about before yourself at times. But if you do it all the time, eventually you won’t have anything left to give. Sometimes you need to put yourself first. Keep reading to learn more about why and how.
Is Prioritizing Self Care Selfish?
Self care is NOT selfish! Prioritizing self care doesn’t mean disregarding the needs of others to do whatever you want. It means recognizing when you need to put yourself first, and not allowing yourself to become drained for the sake of others.
I find that when I am repeatedly giving and giving to other people or priorities in my life, sometimes I run out of the time and energy to take care of me. I feel like a shell of myself, and it’s not sustainable to feel this way. If you keep putting the needs of others above your own, you might just start losing sight of your own needs.
Life as a young adult is a constant balancing act that we are all trying to learn how to manage. And the most important thing to remember is exactly that – it is a balance. You cannot give others 100% of your time and energy, and you likely won’t maintain strong relationships if you keep 100% of it for yourself. You can give what you can, and unapologetically make time for yourself too.
How to Put Yourself First
We all have certain things that we are juggling. These things can vary by who you are, and they might include work, relationships, financial goals, fitness goals, and more. But one thing that we must all share within this balancing act is our self care. In order to learn how to put yourself first, first you need to understand what self care means to you. Here’s a quick self discovery exercise to find out:
- Get a piece of paper and a pen. Fold the piece of paper in half. On the left side, write a list of everything you need to feel healthy. On the right side, write down everything that you need to feel happy. While these topics can easily intertwine, use your best judgement to categorize appropriately.
- Everything on the left side, for your health, will become a non-negotiable. These items listed must be prioritized on a regular basis to truly put yourself first. Sure, things won’t be perfect and there might be times where this needs a little wiggle room. But the things on this list cannot be sacrificed often.
- Looking at the right side, thoughtfully decide what is negotiable and what isn’t. Think of different factors, like how often you need to do it, how much time it takes, and how much it attributes to your happiness. Select the most essential things and commit to specific timeframes. For example, you might need to have at least half a day of downtime to relax at least once per week. The more specific you get in your commitment to yourself, the less likely you are to deprioritize it.
- Apply your lists. If you can keep track mentally, that’s great! If you need a little more structure, pencil your self-care items into your schedule for the week. This creates clarity when your attention is attempted to be pulled elsewhere. It will also allow you to recognize how often this happens and take accountability for the times when you do deprioritize your self care.
As you apply your lists, remember that it isn’t set in stone! If you feel like something isn’t adding up correctly to equal the level of self care you need, go back and make adjustments as needed. There may be some things that aren’t as important as you thought they were, and other things may matter a lot more than you anticipated. Once again, this is all part of the balancing act! And learning how to effectively put yourself first within that act is exciting.
Healthy Boundary Setting
If you are going to make headway with your list, you will likely need to learn the practice of setting healthy boundaries! If you are used to giving your 100% to other people and priorities, you might experience some confusion or pushback when you start to withdraw a percent of that for yourself.
For this reason, it isn’t easy to start setting boundaries. You might experience feelings of guilt or anxiety for giving less than you are used to. If you start to experience this, remember that discomfort is sometimes a part of growth. And at the end of the day, you do not “owe” anyone anything. You are a human who deserves to prioritize your wellbeing. And if you don’t, you aren’t going to have much to give to others anyway. You will act as your best self when you feel like your best self, so don’t be afraid to prioritize this. You do not need to apologize for taking care of yourself when you need to.