I don’t know about you, but perfectionism was highly glorified for me growing up. In school, teachers would smile at perfectionism – a symbol of a hard worker. I would proudly show my parents tests from class with a big letter A written on the top right-hand corner. In those moments, I did not remember the anxiety I felt while studying or while taking the test. I forgot about the anxiety of results being passed around, wondering what would happen if I received *gasp* an A-minus. In the end, I only remembered how much praise I received, and so perfectionism stuck with me as a badge of honor. If this is giving you flashbacks, keep reading.
Sadly, perfectionism does not mix well with a healthy mindset into adulthood. As an adult, I have started to understand the impracticalities and unnecessary anxiety that come with perfectionism. Perfectionism can hold you back in your career, your relationships, and most importantly, your own mental health. Keep reading to learn about perfectionism and how to stop it from stopping you.
What is perfectionism?
Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines perfectionism as “a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable.” Okay, so if perfection is the only thing acceptable, what does it mean to be perfect? From Merriam-Webster again, it means “being entirely without fault or defect.” Let’s read that again…entirely without fault or defect. So to be a perfectionist, you hold yourself to the standard that everything you do has to be without fault or defect, or else it is unacceptable. Take a moment to let that sink in! When you hold yourself to perfectionism, mistakes are unacceptable.
Effects of perfectionism
Humans are not perfect! Our lives are a journey where we learn and grow. We make mistakes, and our mistakes can lead us down paths we may not have walked before. To expect yourself to be perfect and to never make a mistake is expecting yourself to be something other than human! It is not realistic and does not contribute to a healthy mindset. As a result of perfectionism, you may find yourself struggling with anxiety, procrastination, and unrealistic expectations of others.
Perfectionism is striving for what is not humanly possible. So, it can lead to a constant state of anxiety that what you are doing is not good enough. This can also lead to procrastination, feeling like what you are trying to accomplish is either too daunting or never truly ready. Lastly, you may hold others to an extremely high standard, because that is the standard you hold yourself to. Each of these things can be tough to handle, so keep reading to learn how you can adjust your mindset.
How to stop it from stopping you
Adjusting your mindset will take time and conscious effort, but you can do it! Here are a few mindset adjustments you can try focusing on to lift perfectionism pressure from your shoulders.
First, you need to acknowledge that perfectionism is unattainable. You are human, and you will make mistakes. If mistakes result from your best effort, you can learn from them and move forward with more knowledge. Or, maybe there was nothing you could have done differently. And that is okay to accept and move forward with too! As you start to feel anxiety over perfectionism, remind yourself of this affirmation: My best effort with the resources I have is enough.
Second, no more procrastinating! If you have finished something and put in your best effort, let it be done. Put the pen down, close the laptop, send the email. Whatever you need to do for closure of the task at hand, just take a breath and do it! Remind yourself that you don’t need to procrastinate by using the affirmation: I have given this my best effort, and my energy will be better placed elsewhere at this point.
Third, stop expecting others to be like you. Once you lower your expectations for other people and situations, you will stop putting so much pressure on everything. It is amazing how this pressure can lift off of your own shoulders and improve your relationships! Remind yourself to take it easy on others by using the affirmation: I choose to see the best in others, even if they make choices I don’t understand.